Linoleum glue and other sticky stuff

Alright, first let it be known that linoleum glue is sticky. It’s designed for one purpose: To connect linoleum to a thin sheet of plywood that is placed on the subfloor. It accomplishes this very well, but with a humorus twist… It found a loophole.

Yes, linoleum glue has developed a mind and found a loophole in it’s purpose. “I’ll make it stick, but don’t ever try to take me off!” Yeah, it’s not friendly “Elmers Glue,” or powerful “Liquid Nails,” it’s evil “Spawn of Satan Glue!” With that glue, the linoleum sticks to the wood better than the wood sticks to itself. The result? Holes in your nice little plywood subfloor. ARG! Don’t get me wrong, I’m into powerful adhesives, but only when they’re used for good and not for evil! This glue is being used to torture flooring guys like me. But don’t worry… we got even. Wel… kinda.

See, we were gonna retaliate by applying liquid nails to the entire hardwood floor, meaning that the next people to try to install a new floor would have to use a jackhamer to get it out. That backfired ’cause anyone redoing the floor could take the thin plywood off too, and still have a subfloor. So instead, we took out our wrath on the carpet guys. We had to transition from Hardwood to carpet in one room (two really… the dining room is hardwood now, and the living room is still carpet), so instead of adding a nice reducer that pinns the carpet underneath, we added our favorite ingredient: Liquid Nails. Now the edge of the carpet is being pinned down by a row of Oak, real nails, and liquid nails. It’s not going anywhere. And if it does… nobody will ever get carpet to look good in that spot again unledd they rip up the oak and re-install it. MUHAHAHAHA… or just hehe, whichever you prefer.

Which brings me directly to my next topic with absolutely no warning (except for this sentence). I learned something today. If there is something wet and sticky on the ground while I’m working, either my shoe or my hammer will find it. Today I stepped in Liquid nails twice, and filling compound once. I also got my hammer into some glue countless times. I tell ya… I’m really drawn to stuff you’re not supposed to step in.

Alright, think I should have stopped writing this post a long time ago. It’s kinda… not funny… or readable. But there is something that it is… Over.

2 Responses to “Linoleum glue and other sticky stuff”

  1. mithithl Says:

    while i cannot condone revengeful flooring; ie, taking out your aggressions on carpeting, leaving disaster afoot (bad pun i know), i do find it, well, humorous that three methods were employed to create significant adhesion. the poor soul who moves in next and says, ‘you know harold, this color doesnt match my mother’s drapes….be a dear and change it?’….then cut scene to poor harold throwing out his back and ending up in the ER only to become hooked on pain pills and end up spending two summers in rehab, all because he was determined to get up that ‘dag gum’ floor….little did he know that treachery had preceded his arrival….treachery named steve, of the Hardowwd Cafe.

  2. Dustin Says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    >_

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