The Return of the Chandelier

“Stories of Flooring” is back, and I have another annoyance about houses that we have installed flooring in. This one is about the chandelier in every house.

Whether you’re rich or poor, happy or depressed, fung shway or fung shwah, your house probably has this chandelier. In most houses, you don’t notice how stupid it is until you move the furniture. Most of you know the one I’m talking about. It’s the one over the dining room table. Conveniently hanging at forehead level, this light fixture changes from “light” mode to “attack” mode as soon as the dining room table is moved for whatever reason. They are deviously designed with sharp angles and dangerous corners, just waiting for an unsuspecting flooring engineer to wound. Believe me, our heads will never be the same.

I personally think that these are left over torture techniques from the 13th century when they would apply some technique to get a person to have to look down all the time (like installing flooring), and then hang spiked balls from the ceiling. The victim would not last long before becoming certifiably insane because of this monstrosity of inhumanity. By the 15th century, this horrible practice had all but disappeared. But one day in the 20th century, an evil interior designor devised a way to bring this crime back into practice. I’m convinced the designer was female, because as most females are slightly shorter than males, they are rarely affected by these deadly chandeliers. Whoever it was, they were smart enough to make it appear as if it were an innocent light fixture, when in reality, it was an evil whos cruelty to human kind was immesurable.

Just one more thing that builders and designers do to make our job more difficult.

Have fun, and remember what kind of blood, sweat and tears went into that floor you’re walking on.

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