Where am I?

Disclaimer: If you’re happy-go-lucky and wanna stay that way, DO NOT read this post.

So where am I? I wish I could ansewr that. One minute I’m good, the next I suck. One minute I’m loved, the next: unaccepted. One minute I’m happy, the next: depressed. It seems like the longer I live, the more life sucks. I look to the future and see nothing ever getting any better. I just come to the realization, over and over, that all of the things I used to look forward to were illusions. I used to look forward to being loved by people, but have come to realize that the love I was searching for doesn’t exist. I used to look forward to having a career that I could stick with, but have come to realize that I lack the self-determination to succeed at anything. I used to look forward to meeting new friends, and came to realize that those I have are all I’m going to get because somewhere between age 21 and 22, I lost the ability to make friends.

So right now I’m bored, depressed, tired, and ready to go to bed 5 hours earlier than usual. Not because I worked hard or anything today, but because there’s no reason to stay up. When I sleep I stop thinking, and when I stop thinking, life is good. So here’s to amusement (muse meaning to think, and the prefix ‘a’ being the negator, which makes ‘amusement’ refer to ‘not thinking’).


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