IFAQ – Jabba’s Taste in People

The InFrequently Asked Questions are back with a disturbing addition:

Why does Jabba the Hutt lick people? From Zack

An interesting and painfully sickening question, Zack. First I must ask you this… Where the heck did you come up with this question? Seriously, some people just frighten me.

Ok, that said, on to the question…

First of all, we only have video evidence of Jabba licking one person: Princess Leia. At this point, I could take the easy way out and say something about the metal bikini she was wearing and make all kinds of inappropriate comments, but I feel that I would thus be robbing you of an accurate answer. I don’t think the particular prisoner had anything to do with Jabba’s lick. In fact, other than his advisor, we only see one person get close enough to Jabba for him to lick, and that’s Leia. I would venture to say that Jabba would lick any prisoner that he chained to his stage, if he got the chance. But why?

Simple… have you seen the dude’s diet? He eats little squirmy things! But that’s only a small clue… why would he eat those. Next time you watch the movie, take a look at his tongue. It’s pretty much the most unappetizing thing that ever came from someone’s mouth!

Now put yourself in his shoes… your tongue is coated with what might as well be “Bantha Poodoo”, and that’s pretty much all you ever taste. See, Jabba eats living things because they squirm around in his mouth and he’s hoping to break free some of that crap from his tongue. He licks people for the same reason. Give the guy a break, he’s just trying to get a nasty taste out of his mouth. I still don’t envy Leia for having a mixture of giant slug saliva and crusty old beast biproducts slopped messily down her face and neck.

Jabba said it best… “Rota go ma namatota”

One Response to “IFAQ – Jabba’s Taste in People”

  1. Rachel Says:

    seeing as I don’t like star wars, that wasn’t my favorite IFAQ, and I still think it’s funny when the entire camp, all at once rebels against Bill and yells BILL BEN-NET, instead of Jabba the Hutt. That’s pretty much all the contact I’ve had with the guy.

    Moving on: used all preset colors (all three of them) on my xanga, it was really a very lazy change of theme, but it’s still change, and that’s nice. Dusty went home tonight, no more hiding! In other news, incase you didn’t notice the battery on my phone finally did die. It shut off and I looked at it and smiled and decided that the fact that the ice-cream cone, fish and rat are all the same constalation was a good topic to end on. : )
    Always- Rach

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