How to Scape
This is a tutorial; a ‘how-to’ if you will (or even if you won’t, it’s still a how-to). The subject is something I have just been learing about: Landscaping.
First you’ll need tools. Start with a regular shovel, a hand-shovel, a snow shovel, a broom, a tarp, a rake, and a leatherman (one with pruning shears, a knife, a saw, a shovel, some kind of pokey thing, scissors and a rake. Yes, I said a rake).
The following are directions for planting small trees in an existing rock bed:
- Move rocks so that you have a hole all the way down to the plastic that’s approximately 20 inches in diameter
- Pick up all the stray rocks that have rolled into your hole
- Pick up the rocks that rolled into the hole while you were picking those up
- Pick up the new rocks that rolled into the hole
- Pick up a couple more rocks (that rolled into the hole)
- Step out of the hole
- Pick up the rocks that fell in the hole as a result of you stepping out
- Cut the plastic away from the hole so you can dig deeper
- Pick up the rocks that fell into the hole
- Spread the tarp out nearby to put the dirt on to so you can transport it to another location
- Begin digging, using the following steps:
- Get a shovel ful of dirt
- Put the dirt on the tarp
- Remove the rocks that fel in the hole
- Repeat steps 1-3 (taking breaks to haul the dirt away before it gets too heavy) until the hole is a few inches deeper than the pot the tree is in
- Dump in ‘good dirt’ (apparently normal dirt isn’t good enough), until the hole is about 4 inches shallower than the pot the tree is in
- Grab a few of the rocks that fell in
- Remove the tree (and the dirt connected to it) from the pot
- “Tickle the roots” (Don’t ask)
- Place the tree in the hole, making sure that the ‘good’ side is facing the right direction
- Ignore the rocks that fell in, reasoning that they’re going to get buried anyways
- Begin filling the rest of the hole with good dirt
- Realize that once some good dirt is spilled on the rocks, there is no cleaning it up
- Try being more careful
- Fail
- Finish building up the good dirt so that there’s a 4 inch tall hump of dirt built up to the trunk of the tree
- Push the rocks back in a little, so the hump of new dirt looks like it’s supposed to be there
- Remove the rocks that went too far
- Repeat the whole process 5 more times
- Take a short shower and head to the hot tub to relax
After step 26 there, you start to not hate landscaping as much… breifly. You know, used to wish I could have a yard that looks like the one I’m working on, but today… I got over it.
October 30th, 2006 at 9:10 pm
“15. “Tickle the roots†(Don’t ask)”
Oh, I’m asking.
October 30th, 2006 at 10:26 pm
Well I’m not answering 😛
October 31st, 2006 at 12:58 pm
… fine. Be that way. 😎